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Thursday, July 25, 2013

I didn't want God. I wanted a Genie.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. - Matthew 6:33
   For the longest time I would read this scripture and mentally fast forwarded to the last clause, "and all these things shall be added to you." I loved the sound of "all these things". My mind would go wild thinking of all the things I desired from God. I wanted a high paying job, a nice condo, a cute foreign whip, and a closet full of stuff. There were so many earthly things that I desired. I mean that was only a snippet of what I wanted, the list went on. I would even make vision boards of those things I desired. Using inspirational quotes on my board and centering my thoughts around those things. I even made scripture like these apply: 
My God will use his glorious riches to give you everything you need. He will do this through Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:19
For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. "I have good plans for you. I don't plan to hurt you. I plan to give you hope and a good future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Delight yourself also in the Lord, & He shall give you the desires of your heart. -Psalm 37:4
   Now while all of these verses are true -- my attitude and heart did not properly align with the meaning behind the verses. I saw my needs being fulfilled, but not once did I consider the first clause in Matthew 6:33 -- "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.How did I know? Simple, my prayers would go a little something like this: "God, I am praying, God I read your word, and God I have even fasted for you. Why don't I have all that I desire?" Followed by quite a few more grunts and moans about the things I wanted from God. What I was saying to God (my creator, the one who gives me life, the one who blesses me with new mercies daily, the one who loves me more than I love myself) was I don't really want you God, I just want your stuff. I didn't want God. I wanted a genie. I wanted to be part-time and be rewarded with full-time benefits. My thirst wasn't after God, and my heart wasn't right. I would give him half of me and expect a reward for it. As though I was diligently seeking Him. Who was I fooling? It certainly wasn't Jesus!
   Its heart breaking now to think that I truly wanted more of earthly things and less of God. However, I am grateful that God has revealed those things to me. As a babe in Christ, its so important that we pour our heart out to the Lord daily and ask Him to reveal those things to us that are not of Him and remove them (Psalm 139). If this is our hearts desire God will remove those things that hinder us from wanting more of Him. It sounds absolutely absurd that we have to pray to want more of Christ, but we do. As humans -- sin feels good. Which explains why we do what we do, but sin has a cost. Thankfully, Christ paid the cost so we wouldn't have too! By knowing this, and this alone should make us want more of Him.
   However, we always need more convincing. As if dying for our sins wasn't enough. For me it took me being broken down completely, and having no where else to run to but to Christ. If you read my first blog entry titled, "When Thursday Came" you're aware of what I'm talking about.
   So now when I read, Matthew 6:33, I process it a little something like this, "What you should want most is God's kingdom and doing what he wants you to do. Then he will give you all these other things you need."
Seek God's kingdom.
Do what He wants you to Do.
Wait for the Rain.

Now I don't want you to read this and think, man, I need to do better, or beat yourself down for not truly wanting Him. Instead, thank Him that you now know better and can see things more clearly. Pray that he continues to search your heart and fill you with His goodness. When you naturally love Him, its not hard to want more of Him, and that's where we should ALL want to be. 

As always, I am on this journey with you!

peace, love, and Christ

Music for your day, good ol' Tashaaaa!

Tasha Cobb | Smile

"...When I'm going in and when I'm coming out be pleased with my life...I wanna make you smile"

Smile (Live) by Tasha Cobbs on Grooveshark
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